Can we detoxify toxic positivity?

Why reframing only works when it’s on our terms

Each week on Slate’s excellent How To! podcast, they have a listener on with a specific problem - and an expert giving them advice. This week’s episode is all about mindful drinking, and so the expert is yours truly! It was really interesting to hear how the listener, Natalie, has struggles around drinking that are so similar to those that I talk about every single day with people here in London - despite being over three thousand miles away in Philadelphia. It just goes to show how universal that particular hornets’ nest can be.

Anyway, one of the things she wanted to address was coping with the feelings of shame and remorse the morning after a boozy night. This is extremely common: someone tries to moderate their drinking, and is successful for a while, then slides off the wagon and wakes up feeling that they’ve ‘failed’ because they’re ‘weak’.

I reminded her that no positive behaviour change ever resulted from shame, and a more helpful way to look at it is as a learning experience. W…