This week, I was planning to write about collagen supplements. But you’ll have to wait for that Pulitzer-level investigation because it feels more important to address what is dominating my thoughts and conversations at the moment: how to cope when the news is so upsetting.
Everyone I talk to is struggling with this. People are feeling overwhelmed, unable to sleep, battling intrusive thoughts that crowd in when you should be working, or resting, or listening to your child talk about their day at school.
It’s not only that the stories and images in the news are so brutal (although they are particularly brutal), it’s also the horrible feeling that people are being hurt and families torn apart while we’re just watching. Because other than donating to organisations such as the Red Cross, there is little that we can do about it.
Writer and organisational psychologist Adam Grant says there’s a name for this feeling of helplessness: empathic distress. It’s a term that sums up how many of us are feeling at the moment, and it depletes dopamine, decreases motivation, blunts the capacity for pleasure and can lead to exhaustion and burnout.
Of course, compassion is good. Being engaged with the world is good. But it’s important to take a step back because our brains are simply not designed to cope with seeing so much human suffering. I once wore a heart rate variability monitor for 24 hours, which was able to show (through fluctuations in my heart rate) exactly when I was reading the news. I wrote about it in an edition of Well Well Well that I’ve just realised was almost exactly this time last year.
Remember that, on top of the recent distressing news, we are also dealing with ongoing climate anxiety and the deep sense of ennui (at best; hopelessness at worst) that comes with the darker days for those of us who struggle with seasonal affective disorder. Anyway, this feels like a good time to re-up your emotional resilience stores.
Here’s how…
Impose digital curfews. Have a set time when you read the news or check social media and, outside of that time, switch off notifications to fully focus on work/family/friends/life.
Remember that looking after yourself helps others. It’s like the saying about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t be the friend, parent or colleague that you want to be without first ensuring that you’re eating well, getting enough sleep and moving your body.
Do something. Action is the best cure for anxiety. You might not be able to help those people in the news, but can you help someone in your community? It could be donating to a food bank, volunteering with a local charity or just offering childcare to a friend who needs a break.
Be grateful. Yes, I know, it’s predictable and cheesy, but gratitude is a cliché for a reason, guys. It works! It’s why almost all religions involve some form of saying grace or counting your blessings. It rewires your brain to be more positive.
Focus on the present. Psychologist Lesley Alderman says she’s seeing a ‘deficit of optimism’ among her patients that she has termed ‘hope fatigue’. ‘Get in the habit of anchoring yourself in the here and now,’ she writes in the Washington Post. ‘Fretting about the future is not helpful.’
Get some perspective. My nine-year-old son reads The Week Junior, which I love for its ability to identify a hopeful angle to the bleakest of news stories. In the latest issue, they have a page on what to do if the news is upsetting. ‘Try to remember that the reason events like this are in the news is because they are unusual,’ reads their advice. ‘Take a break to focus on other, more positive things.’
Foster hope. Last week’s Coffee with Coops newsletter from Ruth Cooper-Dickson separated hope from optimism. It can be extremely difficult to feel optimistic about the world at the moment, but it is possible to feel hope. She says we can try to foster hope ‘in the language we use both in our external conversations and in the way we talk to ourselves’ as well as in ‘how we show up for others’.
I know that last week’s newsletter was not exactly a barrel of laughs either (thank you for all the kind messages about that one - like all my most personal writing, it was for paid subscribers only, so you can read it by upgrading to paid).
Promise to bring you something more joyful next week 💕
This week I’m…
Combining the benefits of movement and being out in nature (even more important at this time of year) with the Nice Work Forest Series of 5k, 10k and half marathon runs through woodland.
Renewing our Apple TV+ subscription to watch the new adaptation of Lessons in Chemistry with Brie Larson.
On the hunt for one of those sunrise alarm clocks now that it’s so dark in the mornings. Recommendations welcome.
Reading The Chanel Style Principles: Be Inspired, Transform How You Dress by Hannah Rogers - with the aim of being a stylish autumn person, rather than someone who wears the same four jumpers on rotation (extremely likely that I will fail at this, but it’s fun to dream).
I've been very affected by the world events and completely stalled. I had my Friday article (10/20) written, but it seemed out of place. I finally wrote a second article that will be published with it, expressing the anguish in my heart for all that is going on. That seemed to free me a bit from the stall.
I use a lumie wake up light, link: https://www.lumie.com/shop/wake-up-lights and love it - a bit fiddly to set up, and I only use the wake up light setting on it, but once set it is fabulous for winter dark mornings - such a gentle way to be woken up. Loving the newsletter (free version) ;)