This time of year hits different for me these days, as it’s the third anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. It was 6 January 2021 that I learned I had grade 3, stage 3, triple negative breast cancer. Happily, treatment was successful and I’m now cancer-free. But in January 2021 it was all scans and tests, cannulas and contrast dyes, and many, many tears.
Having just left my job as deputy editor of Grazia to go freelance, I remember feeling incredibly anxious about work and money. Looking back at that week in my calendar, it went like this…
Monday: MRI and CT scans.
Tuesday: bone scan.
Wednesday: interviewing Tess Daly for Women’s Health.
Thursday: kidney function test and heart scan.
Friday: interviewing Stacey Solomon for Grazia.
The following week, I had my PICC line inserted for chemo, and interviewed Laura Whitmore for the Telegraph. I remember doing those interviews; trying to focus as these clever, interesting, high-achieving women chatted away about their new swimwear range or book project.
I had been given a life-altering diagnosis and was staring down the barrel of 18 months of brutal treatment including chemotherapy, radiotherapy and mastectomy surgery, with side effects ranging from hair loss to early menopause. I didn’t have the emotional or practical bandwidth for work. I took those commissions on partly out of fear: that I might not be asked again if I said no, or I would fall out of the loop of regularly commissioned writers if I took a break.
Those fears are rational, of course, but the reality is that I’m lucky enough to have family around me that wouldn’t allow me to be destitute if I wasn’t able to earn for a while, and also I work with brilliant, understanding editors who would have absolutely understood if I took a break. In fact, I remember they were hesitant, and it was I who insisted that I wanted to keep working at full throttle as ‘a distraction’ from having breast cancer. Oh, Rosamund.
Over the past three years, I’ve learned a lot. Here are the most powerful life lessons that will stay with me forever. You don’t need a cancer diagnosis to benefit from this.
The power of rest
It’s not lazy. Science shows what we intuitively know if we listen to our bodies. Our nervous systems are frazzled from modern life and, if you add bad news or an illness on top of that, it’s not sustainable. January is a tough time for many people. Money is tight, the weather is grim and we’re burnt out from the festive season. Allow yourself to hunker down. I know, I know; there are demands on our time and energy over which we have little control, such as work and kids. But you have control over more than you realise once you start clearing space in your diary and in your mind: disconnect, don’t over-commit yourself, factor in time to rest.
The power of movement
You might interpret advice to rest as being completely sedentary, and that can feel good for a time if your body is exhausted. But also a long walk can be restful, so can a yoga class or a swim, depending on what feels good for you.
I used to think that I hated all exercise but, since learning about the importance of regular movement for reducing your risk of cancer, I’ve been highly motivated to learn to love it. I’ve realised that I don’t have to do burpees if I hate them. I don’t have to run long distances or go cold water swimming. All of those things work well for plenty of other people, but not for me. I like exercise that stretches me out, like yoga or pilates. I like shorter runs, which feel invigorating without being an endurance test. I like feeling strong after lifting weights or doing barre.
I never thought I’d ever say that I actually enjoy any form of exercise, and I got here by realising that I don’t have to follow what other people say is the ‘best’ exercise to do. Move your body in a way that feels good for you.
The power of feeling good
Take this feel-good ethos to other parts of your life: enjoy experimenting with nourishing food, prioritise time with people who make you laugh, treat yourself to a posh candle, a bath and an early night - if that’s what works for you.
There is no one-size-fits-all. Different things feel restful for different people. Just go easy on yourself and, as HRH Adrienne always says, find what feels good.
The power of fresh starts
I was initially resistant to acknowledging cancerversaries, as if by ignoring it I could pretend it hadn’t happened. But milestones can be useful for reflecting on how far we’ve come, and being intentional about where we want to go.
If you’re feeling as though 2024 has not got off to the start that you would have liked, remember there are several starts to the new year. My kids didn’t go back to school until today, so this random Tuesday feels like more of a fresh start than 1 January did. There’s a new moon on Thursday, and there are plenty of ways to harness the power of that. And Lunar New Year is not until 10 February (the Year of the Dragon, which feels like an excellent kind of energy to take into 2024) so many would say that you can actually just chill out until then.
Which brings me to probably the biggest thing I’ve learned…
The power of lightening up
This lesson has been sold to us in many different forms over the past few years. From Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory, to Glennon Doyle’s idea of ‘bless and release’ and Sarah Knight’s Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. Yet it remains one of the hardest to learn. If there’s a cancer silver lining, it’s that it throws what really matters into sharp focus, making it easier to lighten up about the other stuff.
I’m certainly not saying that I do this perfectly every day. I still get stressed over deadlines, and anxious about money, and overwhelmed by the news, and irritable with the kids - to have those feelings is to be human. But now I’m more able to step back, take a breath, and remind myself that I might as well focus on the glimmers to enjoy because I’m lucky to be here at all. We all are, really.
This month is often a bit rubbish, so don’t worry if you’ve fallen off the Dry January wagon or feel disheartened because you haven’t managed to stick to the healthy habits you planned in the rush of new year motivation. Don’t give up on 2024 simply because the first week or two has been a shitter. Hang in there. You’re doing great. And I’m right here with you.
This week I’m…
Learning about how diet impacts our alcohol intake, with Dr Brooke Scheller, author of How to Eat to Change How You Drink
Celebrating marginal gains over on Annie Ridout’s excellent Substack
Very powerful and insightful article Rosamund. And you are absolutely right, in terms of fitness and battling through cancer, exercise helps you stay strong physically and mentally.
I remember my mom used to tell me that "in life the smallest things can bring the most joy" I didn't get it for the longest time and this article brought me back to that. Moving, Sleeping, enjoying a coffee etc. it makes life worth the battle. Proud of your fight!