Life is contradictions.
On one hand, Gen Z are eco-conscious and reject diet culture. On the other, they buy from unethical fast fashion brands and pioneered the Love Island aesthetic.
On one hand, the internet is a tool for underrepresented groups to be heard and affect change. On the other, it’s a shouty hellhole where many of us waste too much time.
On one hand, the concept of self-care is empowering us to prioritise our mental health. On the other, it says we’re stressed because we didn’t make time to meditate.
It’s almost as if it’s impossible to make any sweeping generalisations because we are all unique individuals who are each - inevitably - a bundle of contradictions.
But people love a statement of fact. Our brains love it. We prefer to see ‘good’ and ‘evil’ rather than take the time and effort to understand it’s never as clean as that.
It’s why I feel just as uncomfortable about both extremes of attitudes towards health.
For example, Gwyneth Paltrow admitting to having had rectal ozone therapy last week is one end of the spectrum. Clearly, that’s mad. (Although she has said before that, every time she mentions her bum or vagina, Goop gets a traffic bump. It seems like a pretty clear-cut stunt to me.)
At the other end of the spectrum is a proliferation of TikTok accounts and podcasts that claim to be ‘calling out’ wellness. Now, this can be a good thing if they’re debunking absurd health claims. But often all they’re doing is picking holes or completely dismissing the health benefits of something because one person happens to have made an outlandish claim about it.
The trouble is that people then dismiss it all - denouncing the very pursuit of wellness as bad for our health - and carry on being sedentary, or eating ultraprocessed food, or whatever is their particular hill to die on.
Happily, there are now emerging voices acknowledging that not everything works for everyone. In the new issue of Grazia (on newsstands today), I spoke to Brigid Delaney, the writer behind the new Netflix series Wellmania, and the book on which it’s based.
Yes, she’s skewering the wellness world and the people who inhabit it (easy to do, in fairness). But also she’s working out what parts of it work for her, and disregarding the rest. She told me she still practises Vedic meditation twice a day, every day. That works for her. Yoga might work for someone else. Fasting for someone else.
Finding out what works for you sounds like hard work. But here’s the point: if it works for you, then it won’t be hard work.
Lauren Clark wrote a brilliant newsletter about this a couple of weeks ago, where she also concluded that anything that feels like ‘work’ is not self-care.
I’ve also been reading Dr Pooja Lakshmin’s Real Self-Care, the subtitle for which is A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses and Bubble Baths Not Included). While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a relaxing bath (I certainly do), she identifies that as one of the things that constitute ‘faux self-care’ rather than an actual fix for burnout, anxiety and/or depression. 'If you think of self-care as a goal,’ she explains, ‘it becomes another task to check off the list.’
She says real self-care is about negotiating boundaries and letting go of guilt. Both easier said than done, right? I’m pretty bad at boundaries, but I’m learning to say no more often. And I feel constantly guilty - about everything from snapping at my kids to ghosting my personal trainer - but I’m learning to accept it, rather than fight it. Feeling guilt doesn’t mean you’ve ‘failed’ at achieving zen. It means you’re human.
Some wellness fads are genuinely bollocks, but some things are universal: you do need to eat your veg, move your body, cultivate strong relationships and get regular quality sleep. I would suggest that you also go easy on yourself when you have a less healthy week, and try to find something you love doing - which happens to be good for you.
In an increasingly divisive wellness world that is all ‘miracle cure’ vs ‘fraudulent nonsense’ thank you for subscribing to Well Well Well. My un-headline-friendly manifesto of moderation is not always the easiest message to get out there.
This week I’m…
Quite excited about the new (and final) series of Succession, starting on Sky Atlantic and NOW on Monday
Celebrating yesterday’s spring equinox as a fresh start (any excuse for a fresh start, right?). I’m doing Sober Spring and have re-started Couch to 5k. Let me know if you’re doing the same, because it helps to feel like we’re all in this together!
Well said!
Having been in health care for decades I totally agree that different things work for different folks. While there is definitely a time for a bubble bath and Netflix they are not that effective at bringing one closer to well-being in the big picture.
I think we are at a time in history where we will have the tools to peel away the layers of life, (guilt, cultural conditioning, generational trauma and other fun things) to a life of greater well-being and meaning. We need community to do this, which is what you are creating Rosamund so thank you!
Also, I appreciate the recommendations and look forward to checking out Well, Actually... by Lauren Clark, as well as Dr Lakshmin's book.
LOVE the definition that "anything that feels like ‘work’ is not self-care". Will be reminding myself of this!